Transitions commence new adventures. Make 'em last…
15:38 Cafe Journey, Hongdae-Seoul
Several days ago I was surprisingly flanked by a barrage of camouflaged, ferocious microbes amid very expensive sashimi at a super high-class restaurant, leaving me M.I.A. from my unit for two gut-wrenching days. Upon the furtive altercation, landmines were littered throughout my bowels and were later tripped at 01:00. What soon followed was the “battle of the bulge” and the toilet bowl soon became my dearest comrade-in-arms, literally. It was pitch black, below-freezing, and I spent the next five hours digging trenches alongside my comrade with no medic in sight. When major enemy barrages concluded, a counter-attack was devised in order to push the enemy into submission and destroy all hidden dangers with liquid-filled relief ammunition. However, the plan was immediately ditched when the enemy commenced its longest barrage yet, forcing me to retreat with no weapons at my disposal besides my utter will to triumph and survive.
At 06:00, I radioed battalion command and relayed a message to the principal-in-chief that I was wounded and couldn’t join my unit. At 06:05, my captain co-teacher radioed in and explained that my younger comrades would set up camp until my return and that I could be transported to safety at 17:00; I concurred. After another brief attack that was immediately squashed with brute will, it was all quiet on the gastric front.
I dug in and passed out for several hours until I was alerted to deep, roaring bugle sounds coming from afar. The sounds then became closer and closer and louder and louder until the only option remaining was to retreat back to my stationary comrade and let loose a flurry. I was wounded again in a fierce battle that lasted over a half-hour and left me dehydrated without much water. My canteen was utterly empty and there was no way I could safety refill it without dangerously alerting the enemy.
I flash-messaged my barracks neighbor, Private Hunter, with an ‘urgent’ message requesting that rations of saltine crackers and fresh water be delivered ASAP. He quickly responded that a safe delivery would be possible at 16:45 after he was relieved from duty and encouraged me to hold the line until he arrived. I attempted to secure other reinforcements among various barracks, but everyone was on R &R.
Despite being fairly weak, I slowly ventured down the four flights of stairs in order to get picked up behind enemy lines and be transported to the nearest medical facility where I was given a shot and special ammunition to defend against future attacks. That night the enemy held it’s fire.
The next day I joined my unit as there appeared to be a ceasefire, but I soon realized that the enemy feigned a white flag. The enemy pulled out a new weapon from its arsenal and repeatedly fired toward my head and stomach leaving me in almost utter ruin. My weapons were of no match to counter-attack, but I was able to make it back to base without getting seriously wounded. However, as soon as I set up camp, I dropped my gear and rushed to see my comrade again. A long battle ensued that soon became more worse than I had previously imagined.
Later, I flash-messaged my captain c0-teacher at 23:30 with an ‘urgent’ coded message on which he quickly authenicated and immediately arrived to transport me to the ER. I received treatment in the form of IV’s full of nutrients, water, as well as morphine to counteract the enemy’s new painful, tactical weapons that made it almost impossible to function. Blood tests proved nothing serious, and after four hours I returned back to base at 04:00 and slept until 12:00.
I immediately felt better when I woke up, but I knew that the enemy was still encamped close by, so I did not make any brash moves. I then received a flash-message from my principal-in-chief stating that she was leaving her post to deliver soup rations in person. This was an honor and privilege to be accoladed by her visit and I was happy to receive rations that I could actually keep down away from the enemy’s grasp. The principal-in-chief commended me for my bravery in battle and awarded me with the purple heart of volition for not allowing the enemy to squash my fighting spirit to return to my unit. After quickly swigging a cup of coffee, the principal-in-chief entered the galley and happily washed all my dishes that I left before the gastric war had commenced. She then departed on her next mission with a smile on her face after I promised to return to my unit the following day.
The next two days were fairly silent, but small soup rations and plain noodles were the only foods I could eat that wouldn’t trigger the enemy. My principal-in-chief then prompted that I should send a diplomatic envoy to the bearer of my enemy in attempt to ascertain what started the gastric war and perhaps obtain due sanctions for my suffering; my captain co-teacher was chosen to dispatch the message. The bearer was shocked and immediately wished to contact me in order to find out if they could apologize in person at my home. I gracefully refused their offer; however, I gladly accepted their apology for this seemingly rare occurrence. The bearer then dispatched a message to my captain co-teacher stating that the very expensive dinner bill for my date and I would be debited back to my account and that a check would be sent to me in order to cover my ER visit and doctor’s visits, in addition to being given free dinner coupons. The highly-valued coupons will be given to my captain co-teacher for his gallantry in quickly coming to my rescue, and for serving as an excellent diplomatic emissary while actually being on R & R.
It’s the 94th day of my tour of duty in Korea and as I sit here at my hideaway bunker in Seoul pondering “Band of Brothers” episodes I’ve recently watched, I’m happy to say that the coast is now clear and the chance for enemy attacks appear unlikely. Many battles were viciously fought and although I was temporarily wounded on the front-line, the gastric war has been won. Peace has been restored.